Surrogacy Options for Gay Couples

Starting a family is a huge milestone, and for gay couples, the road to parenthood can take a few different turns—some winding, some smooth, and some requiring a GPS and a legal expert to navigate. From adoption to foster care to surrogacy, the options are diverse, each carrying its own set of challenges, costs, and emotional highs and lows. Among these, surrogacy stands out as an incredible yet intricate path for many same-sex couples looking to have biological children.

But before diving headfirst into the surrogacy world, there are a few things you need to consider.

Key Takeaways

• Surrogacy, or the use of a third party to carry a pregnancy to term, is a great option for cases where a natural pregnancy is not an option for a variety of reasons.
• Gestational carriers, also known as surrogates, are matched to prospective parents through agencies or through existing relationships to provide the highest likelihood of a safe, healthy pregnancy.
• While there are no laws on the books in the US prohibiting surrogacy services for gay couples, some states have more progressive laws and views than others when it comes to LGBTQ+ parenting.

What Is Surrogacy?

Surrogacy is when another person (typically a woman) carries and delivers a baby for the intended parents. For gay couples, this process involves using an egg donor (since neither partner can contribute an egg) and a gestational carrier, who carries the baby but has no genetic connection to them. 

There are two types of surrogacy:

• Traditional Surrogacy: The surrogate provides her own egg, making her the biological mother of the child. This method is rarely used today due to potential legal and emotional complications.
• Gestational Surrogacy: The more common and legally sound method, where an embryo—created via IVF using an egg donor—is transferred to the surrogate, meaning she has no genetic ties to the baby.

If you’re leaning toward surrogacy, you’ll likely go the gestational route because it provides legal protection and ensures clear parental rights.

How does surrogacy work?

Surrogacy can be a lengthy process as it takes time to choose the right one. Additionally, the couple has to spend time with the surrogate to get to know them better before settling for them. This person will be a key player in your life for some time, and the trust-based relationship you'll form is a wonderful perk of the surrogacy process.

Gestational Surrogacy Costs

Surrogacy isn’t cheap. Costs can range from $30,000 to over $100,000, depending on various factors such as:

• Agency fees
• Legal expenses
• Medical procedures (IVF, embryo transfers, screenings, etc.)
• Surrogate compensation
• Prenatal care and delivery costs
• Insurance coverage for the surrogate

Some insurance policies might cover parts of the process, but many don’t. Be prepared for a financial commitment, and explore options such as grants, loans, or employer fertility benefits.

Choosing a Gestational Surrogate

Surrogacy is not as simple as matchmaking a surrogate with a couple and calling it a day. The process involves multiple steps, requiring patience, financial commitment, and a whole lot of paperwork.

Independent surrogate: Here, the couple chooses a family, friend, or surrogate who doesn’t belong to an agency. The couple manages everything themselves, including screening the surrogate, as well as finding an egg donor and IVF clinic. They are also in charge of helping the surrogate through the course of the pregnancy process. This gives prospective parents more control over the decisions and people involved along the way and is less costly when compared to using an agency.

Agency surrogacy: A surrogacy agency is like a one-stop shop for all things surrogacy. It provides prospective parents with several services, including surrogates, options for medical screening, background checks for surrogates, legal agreements, parental rights, psychological screening, and access to fertility clinics.  This makes it easier for the couple to streamline the whole surrogacy process.

Surrogate requirements

Whether you go through an agency or find an independent surrogate, there are certain qualifications and traits to prioritize. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, an ideal surrogate should:

• Be between 21 and 45 years old
• Have given birth at least once with no complications
• Not have had more than five vaginal deliveries or three C-sections
• Have a stable home environment with strong support systems

Surrogacy Legal Considerations For Gay Couples

Laws surrounding surrogacy vary wildly depending on where you live. In the U.S., some states fully embrace surrogacy, while others have legal roadblocks.

For example:

• Surrogacy-friendly states: California, Connecticut, Washington, Illinois (strong legal protection for intended parents)
• Gray area states: Louisiana, Nebraska (surrogacy is allowed but heavily restricted)

To protect all parties, the couple, surrogate, and surrogacy agency (if used) should have independent legal counsel that can advise and represent them during the whole process. All documents, including a legal agreement, clearance letter, pre-birth order, and medical release should be in place before any treatment begins. Moreover, privacy and confidentiality must be upheld to protect the information of all parties involved.  

Pre-birth Order

For gay couples, securing parental rights is critical. A pre-birth order (PBO) is a legal document filed during pregnancy that ensures both intended parents are listed on the birth certificate immediately, avoiding the need for second-parent adoption later.

Without a PBO, only the biological father may have automatic parental rights, and the non-biological parent could face legal hurdles in being recognized as an equal parent.

Gestational Surrogacy Agreement

A gestational surrogacy agreement (GSA) is a legally binding contract signed by the couple and the parties. This contract outlines the nature of the relationship between the surrogate and the gay couple. This document establishes the parental rights of the couple and affirms that they will meet the surrogate’s costs. The agreement can also include:

• Financial compensation and expense coverage
• Medical procedures involved
• Lifestyle agreements (diet, travel, etc.)
• What happens in unexpected scenarios (e.g., pregnancy complications)
• Parental rights post-birth

Before signing anything, consult a reproductive law attorney who specializes in LGBTQ+ surrogacy to ensure full protection.

Finally

Building a family as a gay couple comes with unique challenges, but it’s absolutely possible with the right resources, planning, and support. Surrogacy isn’t the only path to parenthood, but it offers the possibility of a biological connection to your child. That said, it requires a serious financial investment, emotional resilience (it’s a long process!), legal expertise to navigate state laws, and the right support system (family, friends, or a therapist)

 If surrogacy feels like the right fit for you, take your time to research, ask all the questions, and connect with professionals who can help make your dream of parenthood a reality. No matter which route you choose, one thing’s for sure—parenthood is an adventure.