Author: Lora Shahine, MD
Miscarriage is more common than we often realize, occurring in 1 in 4 clinical recognized pregnancies. Risk of miscarriage increases with age, chronic illness, and previous miscarriage. It can be shocking, surprising to have a miscarriage since we tend to assume it’s ‘getting pregnant’ that can be the tough part of infertility. We have a playlist for other types of grief: death, divorce, a cancer diagnosis – but miscarriage is still not shared enough, surrounded by shame. Even worse – when we share with loved ones that we’ve had a miscarriage – comments can be hurtful: ‘What did you do wrong?’ ‘At least you can get pregnant – try again.’
You need to strategize how to take care of you after miscarriage:
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Miscarriage is more than physical healing – it’s grieving a loss. Lost time, lost visions of what your family would be. Even if you can try again – you’ve lost that due date, that baby you wanted, the way you envisioned your family in the future. Allow emotions of anger, sadness, frustration, anxiety – all the emotions are valid.
Delve into a new book, your favorite hobby or craft, binge your favorite show online – distract yourself with something that brings you joy.
When you’re physically ready – get outside for a walk, a hike, a jog. Stay inside with strength training, yoga or movement classes online. Physical movement can be healing when you’re ready.
Set Your Own Boundaries
Loved ones, no matter how much they care and try, can be hurtful with comments and advice. Surround yourself with people that lift you up, decline invitations to baby showers, take a break from social media and mute friends posting all about their baby bump or gender reveal parties. You need time to heal and boundaries can protect you for that important time you need.
Ask for Support
Whether it’s one on one therapy, group support networks, books on healing after miscarriage – there are many resources available to heal. Find one that is right for you.